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Ground Hog Day... By far the most terrible movie ever made. The same day over and over and over and over. Bill Murray hit an all time low with this one. Of course no one tells you, this movie is the perfect lead in to raising an infant. The same god dam day over and over and over. I'm still waiting for the first day of Spring and that f'ing Ground Hog to tell me my baby is FINALLY sleep trained.
Get up. Get the baby. Change the baby. Feed the baby. Burp the baby. Coffee (EXTRA strong and EXTRA sugar). Now that I no longer drink Martini's or attend Happy Hours in high heels, coffee is the only thing I have to look forward to... Tummy time, Solids, First Nap, half of a shower and maybe conditioner, pony tail (or really a wet knot on the top of your head), dishes, facebook stalk, baby wakes up.... and so on and so on.
Moms also don't tell you, that you have to completely give up your life to sleep train your kid into a solid routine. Pedicures are no longer in fancy massage chairs with your girlfriends... They are now done at home... manually... with crappy Revlon Color Stay polish. OPI polish is far to expensive when you have to buy Pampers and Similac. OPI doesn't carry the shade "Baby Shit Brown" anyway. Getting to the gym for yoga and spin classes? Ha! Set that stationary up bitches! Cause the only cardio you're getting, is happening during that second nap... And put in those ear phones! Cause if you are teaching them to self sooth and cry it out, the only way, is to pretend like it's not happening.
There are days where my husband gets home and I am still wearing the same shorts and tank top that I not only slept in, but worked out in as well. "Baby, have you not showered yet?" - Scot. It is moments like this, where I would like a large fire hose for my front door. This way, I can just blast Scot when he walks in from work in his fancy suit and clean shaved face.
Finding things to do to help mix up Ground Hog day is always a process. Yes you can read books, garden, bake, go on Facebook for 2 hours, Pinterest for 3 hours and of course upload photo number 600 of your babies adorable face onto instagram. Watch out with baking. It seems like such a fun creative pastime... THAT MAKES YOU A FAT ASS! You decide to bake brownies... Next thing you know, you are cutting half slices throughout the whole day. By the time your husband gets home, all that's left, is an empty Betty Crocker box in the garbage. Meanwhile you are convincing yourself it doesn't count because they were low fat and you're breast feeding.
I will leave you with this thought ladies... In the life of a mommy, Ground Hog Day doesn't ONLY happen once a year... But unlike the movie... It does have a happy ending!
No matter what... they eventually go the "F" to sleep.
Laugh, Cry, Love, Read.
Me.
