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Have you ever been so hungry, you have eaten your child's snacks? I'm not talking about apple slices and granola bars. I'm not even talking about gold fish. I hit an all time low this week ladies... I was so hungry I ate my babies Earth's Best First Bananas right out of the jar in the parking lot at Target. Don't judge me bitches. I am still breast feeding. I get so hungry sometimes I make Professor Clump look like an anorexic. Besides, Earth's Best bananas are good... and I would do it again.
Time is not on my side these days. I started working again part time. I am behind on Blogging... Exercise... Housework... Pinterest... Ect. We have weddings and engagement parties every weekend in September... I have two triathlons that I haven't really trained for and my awesome babysitter has gone back to college. Shit. Proper meals are a thing of the past for me. I am lucky if I eat using utensils. Meals for a new mom are grab and go. Hence why they make squeezable fruit purée. Baby food is a handy snack, and Trader Joes frozen entrees are new moms best friend!
I booked myself in to get my hair done. For most women this isn't that exciting. For a new mom... this is grounds to toast champagne! I have no child for two hours. I am wearing heels bitches!!! Heels AND accessories!!! The girls at Salon Barberet all look like high fashion models so it's imperative I'm not wearing clothes that are safe to sweat in. So... I'm off. So... I think. Scot is late and the baby is fussy, so I don't have time to have lunch before I leave.
I hit the road already 15 minutes late. I don't even have time for drive through. Another all time low. I did my grocery shopping at a gas station. I run in and fly around the store looking for the healthiest items with "Best Before Feb 2019"... Scary. Trying to stay away from Doritos and Muffins, I opt for Turkey Jerky and Fig Newtons. This was the healthiest thing I could find next to Earth's Best Bananas. I grabbed a couple of each, (reserve snacks for the glove box), 4 big bottles of water and a package of gum. As I am walking up to pay, I realize my leopard print romper, gold accessories and Seychelles wedges might be a bit much for 1pm on a Thursday. I don't care... until the woman at the till kindly asks me... "Are you on your way to Vegas?".
How do you explain to a stranger your reasoning behind buying a pound of jerkey, fig newtons and enough water reserves for a safe house... you don't.
"Why yes, yes I am on my way to Vegas"....
What!?!?! I can't tell the bitch this is how I dress for a hair cut. Besides, I like the sounds of Vegas. Maybe when Aileen is done with my hair I WILL drive myself to the Cosmopolitan for a couple days. I will leave Scot alone with the baby. Don't I deserve it? I will change my name to Kimberlyn Nicolee, cash in my 401-K up in Canada, buy a pack of cigs and I will be 21 years old all over again. Sigh... Oh how I would love to drive to Vegas. But we all know how that story ends. Blisters... A bottle of Advil... A buffet at 4am and the one mistake everyone makes in Vegas... Why didn't I just stay one night instead of two. Rookie move for sure.
I always think about my exciting past life, but then I remember it rarely had a happy ending. You see, when you are lucky enough to have an amazing husband, beautiful healthy baby and a loving home, you are a princess with a fairytale ending everyday. And hey... If you need a little pick me up, some me time and all five food groups, hit Cheveron on your way to Salon Barberet in Redondo Beach. It gave me a normality fix... for now.
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