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Raisins. They are natures candy. Except no one really likes natures candy. Its that treat on Halloween that kids put in the "to toss" pile. Raisins were once beautiful, full and supple grapes, that are then dried out, into a disappointing snack.
This is what my boobs have become... A disappointing, shriveled up snack.
I always knew that my pretty boobs would not stay that way forever, but no one told me that after breast feeding my boobs would actually get smaller than before!?!?!? I was never super hung up on boobs. I never really cared that my boobs were small and always loved being able to wear the cute tops with little coverage and support. I always found bikinis that fit and if I needed to fill any boobie voids, there was always Victoria and her little padded secrets.
When I got pregnant I was one of the lucky ones that got big beautiful boobs. It was awesome and then after I had the baby, they got even bigger! I loved it!! I finally got what all the hype was about and actually liked my body better after having a baby. I felt like a woman and was perfectly proportioned.
I stopped breast feeding about a month ago. I woke up one day and just like that, I dried up for no reason at all. It was Kewl for a couple weeks and then all of the sudden... My boobies started to shrink!?!?!?!?!? My once beautiful B-Cups, that went up to D-Cups, are now a Negative-A Cup. Flap Jacks. Or more like silver dollar pancakes. Like the little frozen ones you can microwave from Trader Joe's.
For my birthday I asked everyone for Victoria Secret Gift Cards. I was hoping that Victoria might have some secrets for me. Though... I doubt that this fancy bombshell bra is going to do anything for these Sun Maids.
Victoria... why is it called the bombshell? The only bomb that is dropped with this bra, is the one that drops when you take the bra off! What a disappointment! It's trickery. Some dude thinks he is going home with a pair of C's only to find out that being an A+ is not always a good thing.
My boobies are not all that has changed since my little hormonal shift. My hair started falling out... In clumps!! It looks like Harry and The Henderson's have been using our shower. I texted my hair dresser freaking out. My hair was already pretty thin... Now... It's as though SJ could rock a thicker pony tail than me. I always wondered why moms cut off all their hair... I booked in with Aileen next week to go lesbo and cut off a bunch of mine. If I keep it long I'm gonna end up looking like the Crypt Keeper. I can see it now... The scariest episode of "Tales From The Crypt" ever... featuring my bald head and hideous boobs.
MOM! Put those things AWAY!!!
I asked Scot if breast implants were in the cards for us after kids... He gave me that look... You all know the one I'm talking about... Not mad... Just disappointed. The same look my dad gave me when he busted me drunk for the first time.
"Baby your perfect just the way you are" Scot says...
It's Kewl ladies... I think I'm awesome enough to rock my little silver dollar pancakes... And if I am having a rough day there is always Victoria and her dirty little secrets.
Laugh, Cry, Love, Read.
Me.
Amber just asked me to read this,so I did.I had no idea boobs could grow and shrink.very funny and fun read.Lance
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