www.selfmotivatedmomma.com
Have you ever tried to shave your crotch when you can't see it? Good luck with that! I have been trying for 3 months. The reason this has become such an event for me, is because there is a 6 lbs baby in my stomach blocking my view. I have had nightmares about this. I never wanted to be like the women in the 1980's Birthing videos with a big bush. They ruin the birth experience for everyone involved, including the poor child. Imagine coming into the world and the first thing you see, is a fluffy over grown vagina. No person at any age needs to see this. So I made a vow that no matter how pregnant I get... I shall always be trimmed up and ready to go. This is probably a lot of information for a person to handle, but when you get knocked up, you pretty much loose all that is sacred.
Before pregnancy I had a beautiful flat belly and a firm butt that you could rest a coffee cup on comfortably. Now, I don't really know where my back ends and my butt begins. My once pretty lace underwear is stretched out and full of holes and a Saturday night out for me is the ice cream isle at the local super market. Where did I go?!?!? "It's all for the baby!" people tell me. "Just let go and embrace this beautiful time" people tell me. "Don't you just love being pregnant? I would be pregnant all the time if I could"... Are you fucking insane? I know the out come of this awesome little dude, is going to be worth it, but can we be honest here ladies???? Wine is really fucking good.
Months 1-3 make your worst hangover seem like a refreshing day at a spa. You cry, like every day is a funeral, and the supermarket smells so bad, it is like stepping into a rotting butcher shop. Months 4-7 are not bad, but who are all these imbeciles that think they can just come up to you and rub your belly? Excuse me... but we are all educated on personal space at a very young age. How about I rub your face? Would that be appropriate? And don't get me started on the third trimester. Your vagina feels like Derek Jeter just had batting practice on it. Your nose bleeds like you have a coke problem and there is someone inside of you that thinks it's SUPER funny to play the conga on your rib cage.
There was a two week period, where I thought I was going to really miss being pregnant. Idiot. I now have 3 weeks left and I am thinking about getting on my nephews trampoline to see if I jump hard enough, maybe the little guy will just drop out of me.
I can't wait for breast feeding. FML.
Kim, can I please tell you that you are pretty much the funniest person I know. THANK GOD YOU ARE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!
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