I used to use Target as birth control. If you are ever contemplating getting pregnant, go to Target on a Saturday afternoon. You may decide to snip your husbands balls off and burry them with Jimmy Hoffa.
When I was in my early 20's Target used to be this wonderful place where I got my weekend accessories, fancy nail polish and sassy lipstick shades. A great place for me time. With my work schedule, I always missed the Saturday/Sunday crowds. You go into Target for one thing and you come out with half a paycheck's worth of shit you don't need, but somehow justify buying. Sometimes, if you are lucky, you can even score a great pair of rip off Massimo Shoes and sunglasses. Don't hate! The shit's gonna be out of style by the 5th wear anyway?!?!? I used to spend hours of my life wandering around Target's health and beauty section and their bathing suits were always a great buy!
This weekend, in a desperate state to get any last minute things before I go into labor, I went.
WHY!?!?! People fighting over parking spaces like a final chapter in The Hunger Games. There are screaming children everywhere! There are poor moms and dads, that look as though a morning shower and a little me time was clearly out of the question. Women who I am sure, were once clad in designer clothes and great summer wedges, are now in ball caps, saggy sweat pants and Uggs. lululemon athletica ladies?!? Your bum does not have to look like that! Diapers... Do you know how much these things cost? Diapers cost enough money, to make any hard working parent go sterile!!!! Dreft Baby Detergent could EASILY be a 2002 California Chianti. The bathroom trash, that is full of used diapers, from 100 different babies, smells so bad, I can't even make it 5 minutes to tinkle. My favorite... The 23 year old boys that heard some wives tale about Target being a great place to pick up chicks. Go to Sharkey's you little shits! The yummy mommies are here on business!
I still end up spending a small fortune, but none of it is for me?!?! $200 later I have a few home goods, some deodorant and a trunk full of baby. The bathing suit section makes me contemplate suicide and I doubt my little guy cares wether or not I breast feed with this season's latest chandelier earring. Health and Beauty is wetones, hair ties for the awesome pony I have been rock'n for 6 days, nipple cream, epsom salts for my swollen feet, and my case of diet coke that I used to cherish so dearly... is now Apple Juice to help relieve constipation.
Sigh... I was hot once... I swear.
Laugh, Cry, Love, Read!
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