Baby Bliss

You know the feeling you get at the end of a really long run? The feeling of complete and utter reward? Or the deep clarity and relaxation you find in a really intense yoga class? The feeling you get when your soccer or softball team has just come together in the final half of the game and won the state championship? The same feeling you get after a well earned promotion or that dollar amount in the bank you have been working so hard to save up to? Not one of these feelings, not even every single one of them combined, is as off the charts amazing, as the first moment you look into your children's eyes.

I usually write from humor. I love bringing lightness to my motherly woes. Today, I feel the need to write from the best place possible. My heart...

Everyone says, you can never explain the love you feel, the first time you look at your own flesh and blood. Well... you can't. Everyone says there is nothing more rewarding than becoming a parent. Well... there isn't. Becoming a parent is the hardest, most challenging fucking thing I have ever done in my life, yet some how, some way, my son is the best thing to ever happen to me, my relationships, my marriage and most of all, my heart. Who knew...........

I used to hold onto a lot of things in life. I held onto anger, insecurity, pressure, vanity, and a few other things to say the least. Holding onto this negativity never allowed for TRUE openness, forgiveness and most of all happiness in my life. Since my son, I have never felt more compelled to forgive, forget, love with 110% of my heart, and make sure everyone in my life knows just how much they mean to me. Life is really REALLY short. This never scared me the way it does now.

Before my son, I fought every inch of myself every day. Nothing was ever good enough. I always needed more. I needed to be the best at everything. I was a very honest person, but rarely with myself. I was never good with kids either. I never felt a real connection to them. I was to busy filling this crater void of mine with other things. I partied... A LOT. I shopped... A LOT. I ate or didn't eat A LOT. I exercised A LOT. I worked... A LOT and I demanded A LOT. I was extremely self absorbed and my pitty parties were always population... Me! I would find the best and most self destructive ways to shut out the world. An A+ student at "Fuck-U-1-0-1".

When I met my husband, I had a massive life shift. He got me on the road to becoming a better person, but I had to take responsibility and grab the wheel. I still had a lot of demons and insecurities to battle, before I was ready for life to its fullest. He didn't exactly fix me, but he is like super glue to all my broken parts. He picks me up, dusts me off and we start all over again. Our first few years together were not all that easy. I know now, exactly what I can handle in life. My sister says it best. "Kim, if someone wants to project unhappiness onto your life, imagine how truly unhappy THEY are". Many people in life will try to break you down. There are unhappy people everywhere that want to steal your sunshine. You can wallow in that and be a dark storm cloud, or you can embrace those that love you the most. You can focus on life's little gifts and shine brighter then you have ever shone before! I have lots of sunshine in my life, but there are no two brighter then my Scots. Both with one T!

Sure! Are there days with my son where I would like to drink a bottle of Jack Daniels and stick a large hot dagger in my eyeball!?!?! Of course!!!! Are there moments when my husband is soundly sleeping and the pillow behind my head would serve me better smothering his adorable face!?!?!? Duh!!! But when the three of us are snuggled up in bed and our little man looks up with his gummy grin... our whole world fitting inside of our arms... I have never felt more beautiful, more happy, and more rewarded for anything I have ever done in my life.

My life has become everything I never knew, I ever wanted.


I am not religious at all... But today I will give Baby Jesus some thanks for life's little miracles.

Laugh, Cry, Love, Read.

Me.