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What I wouldn't give to walk out of my house with a cute little clutch. JUST ONE purse, a tube of lipgloss and an ID that says 24... The glory days! I have 5 friends right now that are pregnant. I tell them all the time to kiss their stylish little hand bags good bye. Because unless their Fendi Clutch has some go go gadget compartment for poopy diapers and 6 changes of clothes, say bye bye to fashionable on the fly!
Every time I leave my house with my kid, I feel like I am packing for Armageddon. Diapers, wipes, extra soo soo's, burp cloth's, hooter hiders... It's never ending! The only thing I don't have with me is canned food and first aid... and that's only because the little bugger doesn't have teeth or the ability to walk yet.
Going out with a newborn is kinda like a ticking time bomb. They are changed, rested and fed, but that's not to say they don't have a complete and utter melt down for no reason at all. "oh he is sooooo cute!"... Yes. Yes he is... Right now. "Would you like to hold him?". This is always my master plan at social events. My window of opportunity to feel human again! Then I have exactly 2.5 minutes to suck back a glass of wine and a crab cake before the kid realizes it's not his mommy holding him. Then like nails on a chalk board I hear it.... The dreaded fuss! Just loud enough for everyone to look. Yes people, he is crying... Get a good look cause as soon as I walk over and hold him again, he WILL stop. So much for that good looking artichoke dip. That shit requires two hands, so now, its off the radar.
My husband is probably the most incredible dad I have ever seen. He is so tentative and helpful when we go anywhere with the baby. I think its because he enjoys the attention more than my baby does. When we go to parties and weddings it's his opportunity to share stories and let cute girls fuss over him and my awesome sauce son. Seriously, I'm not sure which one is cuter and it works to both of their advantage. The best is when he makes executive decisions. We were at a beach wedding a couple weeks ago and he forgot that the sun sets at night. "Babe, where are his pants I left out for you to bring?"-Me. "Oh, I figured he didn't need them because it was hot out"-Scot. Great idea honey, so why don't you take YOUR pants off, throw on a cotton tee when the wind picks up at 8pm and see how that shit feels. Let me know when your penis gets so cold it feels like its gonna fall off, and maybe next time you will pack the child some pants.
When I used to dress up for parties, I based my clothes on things like accessories, weather and what my girlfriends were wearing. Now its... Is it washable? Cause shit doesn't dry clean out of silk, and who has time for that anyway. Are my boobs going to pop out? Or leak? Can my nipples hear a baby cry from across the room? Cause if they can, any breast feeding mom knows.. Your screwed. High heels!?!?!? LMAO! Try carrying 15lbs worth of car seat and baby, accompanied by a 5 pound "Dude" diaper bag in a pair of Jimmy Choo's. Not sexy... Not Comfortable... Not realistic... I tried and I have a new found respect for Victoria Beckham.
We went to two birthday parties this weekend as a family. I did indeed wear some wedges and got a few compliments on the size of my new boobs. My baby fussed a little, but not too much. I ate not one cupcake, but TWO. My husband and I still managed to squeeze in a look of utter lust and love for each other from across the room. We were home by 11pm and what happens after that is well... Private.
I think we're doing okay. Right?!?!
Laugh, Cry, Love, Read
Me
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