It is always the 1-2am call or text. Or in some cases of desperation, you just show up to their home in a drunken stooper. You are POSITIVE that this person wants to see you post Denny's at 3am.
Oh! Were you sleeping!?!? Weird! Well... Since I'm here... Wanna have sex?
Booty Calls are like dessert. It is this brilliant idea in the moment. Instant gratification! And then like getting on the scale, the guilt kicks in when your Monday morning is impacted by the number you see. But instead it is on your cell phone under... Dialed Numbers... 14 Times... Shit. Under their phone it of course says, 14 MISSED (AKA Ignored) Calls. Then we ask our best friends how they could let this happen!?!? Like it's THEIR responsibility to take your phone away. Then they tell you they tried, but you went to the bathroom at the bar and proceeded to call from the hadi-cap stall.... 14 TIMES... Fuck.
These people are always the perfect representation as to what is happening in life. We call on people for Booty Calls to fill whatever voids we have in the moment. They are often Narcissistic, Vain, Unintelligent, Douche-y and incredibly sexy all at the same time. Where do you find a Booty Call you may ask? Bars, Old Boyfriends, Old Friends, Bartenders, Bouncers and my personal favorite... Public Transportation. This is when you are in the darkest of dark places.
Why is it so f'n difficult to get these people out of your life? Booty Calls are like skin cancer. You keep going in the sun knowing that it's bad for you and then you need a plastic surgeon to get this horrible growth off your back. A friend of mine, that shall remain nameless, could not stop the booty call. She tried EVERYTHING. She erased his number, deleted him off Facebook, told him to never call her again and yet found herself still calling HIM every other Saturday night after a Roxy Burger and fries. She actually called the phone company and asked if there was a way they could block her from calling his number. "So you want to block your own calls to this person????"... "Yes". "So what your saying is, that you have no will power????"... "Yes". "So can you do it?".
FYI you can't, and for the record, my friend was not the first person to call a phone company with this kind of request. Clearly there are many people in the world that just can't stop the Booty Call.
To all my peeps out there that have found themselves doing the walk of shame at 11am... Heels in hand heading toward an Eggs Benedict... Just remember you are not alone! Hold your head high! Today is a new day! And there are plenty of narcissistic douche bags to go around! You can't hate them... They serve their meaningless purpose!
Amen.
Laugh, Cry, Love, Read.
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