The Flat and Flabulous

Yes... I too have lost my ba-dunk-a-dunk. I have heard so many new moms talk about the post baby flat butt. I was SURE this could never happen to me!!! There is a reason why black women love me and now... I'm just another boring white girl who lost her booty.

Post baby body is like a home renovation gone way wrong. I have heard about muffin top and jelly belly. I always had a pretty tight little tummy. Now.... Santa Clause and I have some serious shit in common and I know why the man only comes around once a year. And what is with these boobs!?!? I loved my perky little boobs! Now I have these big sloppy milk sacks that just get in the way when I fold laundry. When it's all over, I bet all I will be left with is empty sacks and cookie nipples.... Milk and Cookies... Awesome.

People tell me all the time I look fantastic for just having a baby. Well of course I do!!! I'm wearing clothes!!!
In hope of motivating myself a little, I decided to take a photo of myself in my bathing suit... Outside... In direct sunlight... Front AND back. This is my own personal form of cutting. The cruelest thing I could possibly do to myself.

I got a series of work out videos for at home, so I can work out in privacy with my Flat and Flabulous little bod. I set little man up with his entertainer, while I set myself up with a trainer! Except my baby spends more time watching me then he does his little noise makers. I don't like it. He looks at me with judgy little baby eyes, and I KNOW he is wondering why his mommy doesn't look like the glistening biotch in the video. Listen kid... Your mom was smok'n hot before you came along, and your not really one to be judging with that pudgy tummy of yours. The only reason mommy works out with you is because you are the only person she knows with more rolls than she has.

I have no idea how much I weigh right now because we have a scale free home. Those machines have the devil inside them. They can make or break an entire day, so we don't ever weigh ourselves. I wanted to go buy one but my husband put his foot down. "You are beautiful!" he says "and you don't need a scale to tell you that!"... Um... Yes... Yes I do... Pleeeeeease!!!

No.

Fine. But he can't stop me from driving to Target tomorrow and hoping on one there!!!

Next... Jeans.

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Me